I’m starting this to actually follow my niece who is vacationing in Hawaii.
But…It seemed a good time to put my thoughts on paper.
First: I didn’t know that 60 would come so fast.
Second: I’m glad I didn’t know about the things I have experienced in my life ahead of time. I may have decided to not do it.
Third: The ONLY thing that matters is love. PERIOD Everything else is transitory.
So, Here I am on day 1.
I grew up in an emotionally and physically abusive family. The emotional abuse started at age 8 or so, the physical was severe spankings and anger to the degree that I sometime thought my Mom was really going to kill me. I ate to hide. I ate because my Mom hated women and to be an attractive woman was a threat to her, so I tried not to be too attractive. She was even jealous of my Dad paying attention to me.
I remember the time when my brother Chris was 13. We had just moved…again..and he had started 8th grade at a nearby public school. He made friends with some kids that smoked and skipped school. My Dad found ou, and at 13, took him to the basement and beat his bottom with a board till he was screaming, and we kids sat on the stairs watching and screaming, and finally my mom told him to stop. All because he skipped a few class. After that my Mom decided that she would discipline the boys and Dad would discipline the girls. I ate more.
We moved a lot as a kid. I went to 13 different schools in 12 years. 3 different High Schools. My experience in school was nothing like its supposed to be. several times we would pack up and move in the middle of a school year. New school, new house, new rules. Never fitting in because you never have the chance to make friends. When we would move Dad would say, “write to your friends”. The one I had finally made. Social skills were very good on a superficial level, but I never did learn to cultivate long-term relationships. I was lonely a lot.
I left home at 17, as soon as I graduated from H.S., and got a job waitressing where there were dorms for the summer girls. I was the perky, smily, everybodys best friend person. It’s all I knew. Nobody really got to know me. Hell, I didn’t even know me.
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